by Evelyn Bailey
Whether or not the ruling by Federal Judge Vaughn Walker that the anti-gay marriage measure approved by California voters in 2008 violated both the Due Process and Equal Protection clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment of the US Constitution and therefore was illegal will be upheld is not the focus of this article.
The two couples whose courage, pride, and a sense of justice challenged Proposition 8 provide us with Shoulders To Stand On that will be recognized and recorded in our history as THE landmark case in our fight for equality.
Who exactly are Kristin Perry and Sandy Stier of Berkeley, and Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo of Burbank?
Kristin Perry, 45, and Sandy Stier, 47, have now been together for ten years and are the parents of four sons between the ages of 15 and 21. Since 2004 Kristen and Sandy have been registered domestic partners, a legal relationship that in California carries most of the benefits and obligations of a full-fledged marriage.
Kristen has been the executive director of a state agency called First 5 California since 2004. First 5 California believes in tapping into that potential during a child’s earliest years and working to ensure that all children are given the opportunity to thrive.
Sandy is an information executive with an Alameda County health services agency. Kristen and Sandy got married in 2004 in San Fransciso when Mayor Gavin Newsom told city officials to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. Six months later, they were among some 4,000 newlywed couples who had their marriages invalidated by the California Supreme Court. They have been trying to marry since.
Paul Katami and Jeff Zarilla have been together nine years and have been attempting to marry for three years. Paul was born and raised in San Francisco. Paul is a fitness expert and business owner who graduated from Santa Clara University. Jeff was raised in New Jersey. Both Paul and Jeff have parents who are still alive and have modeled for each what marriage, and a long term committed relationship is all about. They want the opportunity to have the same thing.
The couples were recruited to represent California couples who say they would get married were it not for Proposition 8 because it seemed because they lead lives indistinguishable from other couples, who want the social stamp of approval that matrimony affords.
Kristen Perry, the title plaintiff in the case, has stated that she thinks their story is pretty ordinary, "We fell in love, we want to get married and we can't. It's pretty simple." Sandy and Kristen take extra legal precautions when they travel to states that do not recognize gay relationships and continually explain to friends and family what a domestic partnership is.
Sandy was married to a man for 12 years. Being married provided her with a feeling of security, and access to comforts and protections under the law that married heterosexual couples have. She feels the difference between domestic partnership and marriage in a very personal way.
Sandy stated before the trial began that the word 'partnership' is used for business deals, tennis matches and golf games. It doesn't feel like the appropriate kind of word to describe my relationship with the person I love.
Paul and Jeff would love to have a family, but have intentionally postponed fatherhood until they can legally wed because they want their children to have the stability and sense of belonging that comes with being raised by married parents.
For both Paul and Jeff marriage is very important. In their eyes marriage solidifies the relationship and gives acces to the much broader relationship defined as married. They also believe that the need to legitimize themselves to others would be eliminated. For Paul and Jeff marriage comes first before family. Jeff testified that he wanted to marry Paul, and others would view his and Paul's relationship differently if they were married.
For Kristen and Sandy, when the California State Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in May 2008, they opted not to. They told each other,”We'll do it when it's for real.” They felt no need to get involved again in the uncertain, politicized world of gay marriage: "It's a big thing to repeat that cycle with kids, so we elected not to do it."
On the stand, Jeff Zarrillo, Paul Katami, Sandy Stier, and Kristin Perry combined the conviction of longtime gay rights activists (which they are not) and the plainspoken delivery of ordinary people trying to live their lives and protect their families (which they are).
At this point in time, it appears the dreams and hopes of Kristen, Sandy, Paul and Jeff and many others may not become a reality until the week of December 6, 2010 when the appeal of the decision which overturned Proposition 8 will happen.
Regardless of the outcome, these Shoulders decided they would not be silent while Proposition 8 declared their relationships unworthy of a marriage license. Shoulders To Stand On thanks Kristen Sandy, Paul and Jeff for the sacrifices you and your families are making in refusing to accept discrimination. Because of your commitment to the struggle we have won a significant victory in the battle to make marriage equality the law of the land. Be confident of the ongoing support of LGBT men and women across the country. Justice is on our side, and we are on the threshold of reclaiming it!